Only the Lonely
by sheepish123
Summary: When Carisi finds out that Olivia, Amanda and Fin have nobody to spend Christmas with, he takes pity on his colleagues and invites them to spend the holiday weekend at his family's country cabin, making it his mission to help his teammates find the true spirit of the season. Takes place in season 18. Team friendship fic.
1. Seasonal Silliness

**I started this story last year but didn't get a chance to finish it, so I decided to continue with it this year. This fic takes place in season 18, since that's when I began it, although the events of "Heightened Emotions" never happened so Amanda's sister isn't living with her. Also, Olivia is not dating Tucker, and Noah and Jesse don't exist. This will just be a fluffy, cheesy, lighthearted friendship fic for me to enjoy writing throughout the Christmas season. :) _  
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 **I also wanted to mention that I know it's extremely implausible for the entire team to have the Christmas weekend off work together, but for the sake of the story, let's just say that it could actually happen. :)**

 **I'm hoping to have chapter 9 of "In Your Arms" posted later today or tomorrow. I'm having major writer's block with chapter 10 of "Hidden Scars" and I'm finding it difficult to remain in that really dark head space for long periods of time, but I'm still working on it.**

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 _"The only gift I'll ever need is the joy of family_

 _Oh, why? 'Cause that's Christmas to me."_

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The first thing Olivia becomes aware of is a trio of chipmunks belting out an obnoxious Christmas tune in high-pitched, squeaky voices and she cracks an eye open in confusion, dark gaze darting around the dim interior of a vehicle. Her face is pressed flat against the inside of a frosty car window, nose squished right into the glass and the breath from her mouth causing a foggy patch to appear each time she exhales. There is someone curled up so closely beside her on the seat that they are practically sprawled in her lap and when she turns her head slightly, she sees that is it Amanda; her colleague leaning heavily against her shoulder, eyes closed and lips parted as she emits a loud snore right into Olivia's ear. Frannie is on Amanda's other side, the dog stretched out across the remaining portion of the backseat they are sharing, flat out on her back with all four legs sticking straight up into the air and her mouth hanging wide open, a long pink tongue lolling over sharp white teeth. The animal appears to be as sound asleep as her owner is and quite content with the seating arrangements in the car, but Olivia is not sure how it can possibly be comfortable to sleep in that position.

Carisi is sitting in the driver's seat with a Santa hat perched askew on his head, Fin slumped next to him on the passenger side, and her younger subordinate is currently singing along with Alvin, Simon and Theodore's "Christmas Don't Be Late", doing an impressively annoying job of imitating the shrill voices of the chipmunks while Fin snarls at him to shut the hell up. Olivia sighs and scrubs her hands over her face in exhaustion, squinting out the window to try and get a look at where they are, but there is only snow and darkness and the occasional tree stripped bare of its leaves for the winter, and she is not sure how long they have been driving as she had drifted off into a fitful slumber shortly after they had left the city.

They are heading to the Carisi family cabin in some tiny town several hours away that Olivia can't even recall the name of; she and her teammates and Amanda's dog packed into the car like sardines, along with all the luggage and liquor that they need for a weekend away. It is Friday, December twenty-third, and they had left for the cabin directly from the precinct for a three-night stay over Christmas and will be returning on the twenty-sixth; a very short holiday together before going back to work.

This had been a last-minute arrangement and one that Olivia has very mixed feelings about, not entirely sure if spending Christmas with her colleagues is a preferable option to spending it alone; torn between the desperate need for some quiet time to herself but her heart aching a little at the thought of waking up on Christmas morning alone yet again, like she has done for so many years now. Carisi had been absolutely appalled upon hearing that each one of his squad mates had no plans for the holidays; Fin's family vacationing down south, Amanda deciding against going home to Georgia to spend time with her fractured family, and Olivia not having much family to speak of. He had insisted on treating them all to a good old-fashioned Christmas at his family's rustic country cabin, refusing to take no for an answer after his generous announcement had been met with less than enthusiastic responses from everyone, clearly having been expecting much more excitement from his co-workers than what he had received.

Carisi had insisted that it was fine to take some time away from his own family to spend Christmas with his colleagues, since he had just seen everyone at Thanksgiving; and one by one, they had all grudgingly agreed to spend the holiday in each other's company, even though they already see one another more than anyone else in their lives, spending hours and days on end working together. Olivia is somewhat nervous about how the weekend will proceed, as Carisi is quite clearly the only one of the group who is even remotely in the Christmas spirit, and Fin and Amanda had both looked like they were on their way to prison as they had all piled into the car earlier, instead of heading to a charming cabin out in the snowy countryside.

"Ugh, why do I hear singing chipmunks?" a groggy voice suddenly grumbles right next to her ear and Olivia turns her head to see Amanda sitting up beside her, the other woman wiping a hand over sleepy blue eyes, blonde hair mussed from leaning on Olivia's shoulder for half the ride.

"Carisi is playing his own special brand of Christmas music," Fin sneers in a disgruntled tone from the passenger seat. "Half the songs I've been hearing seem to feature some kind of singing forest creature."

"And we've got our own giant chipmunk singing behind the steering wheel," Olivia mutters in irritation, wincing slightly as Carisi hits a particularly high note while continuing to imitate the furry little animals from the song.

"Okay, that's just wrong," Amanda grumbles tiredly, giving Frannie a pat on the head as the dog suddenly twitches in her sleep, right leg shaking as if she is having some sort of bizarre dream. "Carisi, can you please do us all a favor and kindly shut the hell up?"

"Yup, that's exactly what I just said," Fin replies with a heavy sigh as he reaches over to flick his co-worker in the ear with his fingers. "He won't listen to me, though. You ladies are lucky that you've slept for nearly the whole trip. I've been listening to this shit since we left the city."

"Aww, you guys are no fun," Carisi protests in a hurt tone as the songs comes to an end and everyone else in the car seems to breathe a collective sigh of relief. "I'm just trying to get everyone into the spirit of the season here."

"I'll be a little more in the spirit when I'm drinking the spirits," Amanda chuckles under her breath, and Olivia can hear the clink of seemingly dozens of liquor bottles coming from inside the trunk.

"That sounds like an excellent plan," Fin chimes in eagerly, the older man's voice emanating with more enthusiasm than it has since Carisi had first organized this little getaway.

"Guys, we are not spending the entire weekend getting drunk," Carisi chides very firmly, like he is trying to exert his authority over the group. "I invited you all to the cabin so you can experience a proper family Christmas. I consider our team to be a family and getting drunk is not how families spend the holidays."

"It's not? Well, that's news to me," Amanda snorts with a mirthless chuckle. "That's the _only_ way my family spends the holidays."

Olivia glances over at the younger woman as she privately agrees with her, and hears Carisi let out a giant sigh of exasperation from the driver's seat.

"Okay, Christmas has to mean more than just drinking," he chastises wearily, continuing to speak in a somewhat condescending tone as if he is addressing a kindergarten class instead of a car full of his colleagues. "What else does it mean?" He looks over at the man sitting next to him and lifts a questioning eyebrow. "Fin, what does Christmas mean to you?"

The older man's head is tilted slightly to the side and Olivia can see Fin scratching his chin as if he is actually giving the question some serious thought, his shoulders lifting in a careless shrug after a moment of contemplative silence. "I guess I would have to say Christmas means eating candy cane ice cream straight from the carton until I puke."

"Wow, that's classy, Fin," Amanda snickers in response, Olivia rolling her eyes and shaking her head as a smile pulls at the corner of her mouth.

"Okay..." Carisi's voice trails off somewhat uncertainly, the younger man starting to sound a little disgruntled himself now. "What about you, Amanda? What does Christmas mean to you?"

"Probably drinking vodka straight from the bottle until she pukes," Fin answers with a knowing laugh, Amanda reaching forward to cuff her partner lightly across the back of the head.

"Alright, this conversation is clearly going nowhere," Carisi mutters in disappointment and Olivia is very relieved that the discussion seems to have come to an abrupt halt before he can ask her, as she doesn't think her answer will be any better than the others.

"I think you guys will be more in the spirit when we decorate the tree," the younger man continues in a brighter tone of voice and Olivia stifles an impatient sigh as this topic of conversation is apparently continuing, Carisi refusing to let it drop. "It's definitely too late to do it tonight, but we'll get it done tomorrow so we can have it decorated in time for Christmas Eve. I hope you guys packed those warm outdoor clothes I told you to bring. Since we'll be getting such an early start in the morning, I'll make us all a big breakfast before we head out into the woods."

"God forbid we don't have a tree in time for Christmas Eve," Olivia hears Amanda mumble sarcastically beside her, the other woman suddenly sitting up straight in her seat and a confused frown marring her delicate features. "Wait, what? Did you just say we're going out to the woods? What for?"

"For the tree," Carisi replies in a somewhat surprised tone that indicates the answer should have been blatantly obvious. "We always cut down our own Christmas tree every year. It's a tradition."

There is complete silence in the car for several seconds as everyone seems to digest this information, Olivia and Amanda trading glances in the backseat and Carisi sounding puzzled when he speaks again. "Well, where do you guys get your Christmas trees?"

"Well, considering we live in the city and don't all have fancy country cabins to spend the holidays in, I just get mine at the gas station," Fin answers with a giant yawn, like he is fighting exhaustion or boredom or both.

"Yet another classy answer from my boy there," Amanda chuckles with a shake of her head and a pat against the back of her partner's seat. "Wow, Fin, you certainly know how to live it up over the holidays, don't you?"

"A _gas station_?" Carisi repeats in disbelief, and Olivia can't help but smile at the clearly horrified tone in the younger man's voice. "They sell Christmas trees there? Why on earth would you do such a thing, Fin?"

The older man shrugs and lifts a hand into the air, appearing completely unconcerned by the way he chooses to do things. "Because they have them all lined up in a neat little row outside the gas pumps. One-stop shopping. Fill up the car, pick up a tree. No muss, no fuss."

"What about you, Liv and Amanda?" Carisi asks warily after a moment of seemingly shocked quiet, as if he is afraid to hear the remaining responses from his co-workers

"I never get a tree," Amanda replies in the same unconcerned tone as Fin, Olivia murmuring her agreement and not wishing to face the wrath of Carisi just because they have given answers that he does not approve of. She has an artificial Christmas tree packed away in a box in one of the closets in her apartment but hasn't taken it out for years, not seeing much point in decorating when she has no one to spend the holidays with.

"Well, it's a good thing we're doing this, then!" Carisi exclaims with a dramatically heavy sigh like this is the worst news he has ever heard, and considering where they work and the fact that they deal with _actual_ bad news on a daily basis, Olivia is beginning to find his attitude a little ridiculous and annoying.

"Is it your mission to save our Christmas, Carisi?" Amanda asks wryly, sounding just as annoyed as Olivia is feeling. "You're our knight in shining armor, swooping in to save your colleagues from the depression and despair of having to spend the holiday season all alone?" She pauses briefly, somewhat perplexed when she speaks again. "I still don't understand why you're not just spending Christmas with your own family. Why do you care so much what the rest of us are doing?"

"I already told you that you guys are my family too, and I'm not spending it with them because they already have people to spend it with," Carisi answers solemnly as he reaches out to clasp a friendly hand onto Fin's shoulder, the other man glaring at him in return. "Only the lonely are allowed on this vacation."

"Wow, I feel so special," Olivia mutters as she trades another glance with Amanda, the younger woman crossing her eyes and sticking her tongue out like she has already had quite enough of all of this team togetherness, Carisi's overeager attitude seeming to be putting everyone slightly on edge despite the extreme generosity of letting them all stay at his family cabin over the weekend.

"You're _very_ special, Liv," Carisi assures her as they pull into a rundown convenience store on the outskirts of a small town, not another car in sight and the barren winter landscape seeming to stretch on for miles in the desolate darkness. "You're all special. That's why I invited you." He fumbles with the door handle for a moment before flinging it open and stretching his long legs onto the slick pavement. "We're almost there but I can't wait to use the bathroom, so I'm just going to run inside for a minute. Just sit tight; I'll be right back."

"Jesus," Fin mumbles in disgust after Carisi has vacated the vehicle and slammed the car door shut, the younger man jogging through the icy parking lot and disappearing into the store. "Has he always been this obnoxious during the holidays?"

"Guys, maybe we should try to cut him a bit of slack here," Olivia suggests softly, scrubbing her hands over her face in fatigue and throwing a jealous glance over at the slumbering dog, wishing she had slept the entire way to the cabin so she doesn't have to be a part of all the whining. "He was kind enough to let us stay at this place over Christmas and he's taking time away from his own family to spend time with us instead."

"No one asked him to do that, though, Liv," Amanda is quick to point out as she strokes a hand over her snoozing pet's fur. "And you're just as annoyed as we are; I can tell."

"Well, I'm _trying_ not to be," Olivia hedges in reply, frowning over at Amanda when the younger woman starts laughing. "And we all decided to come, even though we could have said no."

"You're not trying hard enough," the blonde detective chortles, reaching out to give Olivia's arm a squeeze. "The annoyance is written all over your face, Liv. And how were any of us supposed to say no to Carisi? He looked like he was going to burst into tears if we didn't give him the answer he was hoping to hear. He's quite a sensitive guy, isn't he?"

"He is a bit of a pussy," Fin readily agrees as he turns around in the passenger seat and leans over so they are all huddled together in a miserable little circle of chilled limbs and grumpy faces.

"Alright, guys, that's enough," Olivia snaps firmly, holding up a hand to stop her co-workers' juvenile snickering and grabbing Amanda's wrist when she puts her palm up for a high-five from Fin. "I think we all need to make an effort to improve our attitudes once we get to the cabin."

"I'm going to drink when we get to the cabin," Amanda states resolutely, and this time she and Fin exchange high-fives and a twin smirks before she can stop them, Olivia rolling her eyes at their immature behavior.

"Where the hell are we, anyway?" Fin asks in confusion when he and his partner are done clowning around, glancing out the window at the darkness that surrounds them on all sides and permeates the nearby fields with a neverending inky blackness. "I don't think this place is even on the map, it's so damn tiny."

"I don't know, I forget the name of the town," Olivia replies with a yawn, flinching in surprise when Frannie suddenly rouses herself from the deep sleep she has been enveloped in and gives a hearty bark that echoes throughout the interior of the vehicle, everyone wincing at the loud noise.

"I'm just going to take her outside for a minute," Amanda says with a grunt as the dog leaps enthusiastically over both her owner and Olivia's laps, the younger woman falling across Olivia's knees before straightening up with a sheepish grin and apologizing for her pet's behavior.

"Just don't wander too far away from the car," Fin warns in an ominous tone, gesturing out the window toward the bleak landscape. "Did you two ever see that creepy movie called Deliverance, from the nineteen-seventies? This town kind of reminds me of that."

"Well, if I hear any banjos playing, we're going home immediately," Amanda mutters with a roll of her big blue eyes as she ushers Frannie out the door, and the dog responds by instantly taking off into the snow like she has just been let out of jail.

"Look, Liv, you know I respect the hell out of all you guys and I consider us to be good friends, but I just don't think I can spend the entire weekend cooped up in a cabin with the king of Christmas," Fin says in a confidential murmur as they watch Amanda and Frannie play in the snow together, the blonde detective leaning down to scoop up a handful of the white crystals and tossing them high into the air, much to her pet's delight. "I've just never been much of a fan of the holiday season."

"Well, Fin, considering we're only minutes away from our destination, I think it's a little late to change your mind about being here," Olivia replies in amusement, arching an eyebrow at her grouchy colleague. "Carisi is obviously the only one of our group who is excited for Christmas, but we need to make the best of things now that we're here, especially since he's being so generous with us. And we should probably ease up a little bit on all of the teasing. Did you honestly think you were being respectful when you referred to him as a pussy?"

"Well, he wasn't in the car when I said that, so he doesn't need to know about the comment," Fin snorts in response, Olivia watching as both of the older man's eyebrows shoot up in surprise when he seems to spot something outside. "And I don't really think I was wrong about that..."

Olivia turns her attention out the window to see that Amanda has stopped dead in her tracks as she watches their co-worker strut across the parking lot toward the car, Carisi's arms loaded down with various bits of Christmas paraphernalia, including enough Santa hats for the whole group and a giant stuffed snowman wearing a top hat with a cigar dangling from its mouth.

"Good lord, did he just raid that dinky little store for every single Christmas item they had?" Fin huffs out in disbelief as Carisi struggles to open the door and Amanda saunters over reluctantly to help him, the younger man's supplies swiftly spilling across the driver's seat and creating a giant mess of unnecessary holiday material.

"I'm gonna need that booze sooner rather than later," Amanda mutters when she takes her seat next to Olivia again, the entire interior of the vehicle promptly getting sprayed by flecks of slush as Frannie shakes herself off while settling onto the floor at the other woman's feet.

Alvin and the Chipmunks come blasting through the speakers once more as soon as the engine is turned back on, Carisi whirling around in his seat to grace them all with a giant grin, the Italian man looking remarkably like an exuberant puppy, and Olivia can't fight the sigh of trepidation that emits from her lips at her co-worker's next words.

"Okay, guys, who is ready to have a Christmas that none of you will ever forget?"

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 _*Song lyrics from Pentatonix's "That's Christmas to Me"_


	2. Creepy Clowns

**Sorry, it took so long for me to update this; I didn't intend to go for an entire month before posting the second chapter! I'm not sure how long this fic will be, but I'm trying my best to get it done by the end of the year because I don't think anyone wants to read a Christmas story in January, lol.**

 **This chapter picks up right where the previous one left off. Just a reminder that Noah and Jesse don't exist in this fic.**

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When they drive away from the convenience store with the silly Christmas music blaring once again and Frannie howling as if trying to match the high-pitched tune of the singing chipmunks, it takes several more minutes of twisting and turning through narrow, snow-packed country roads before they finally reach their destination.

As Carisi pulls the car very carefully into a rutted, gravelly driveway that is covered in a thick coating of ice that looks to be quite dangerous, Olivia frowns up at the ramshackle cabin in confusion, wondering if her colleague has mistakenly arrived at the wrong place. There are murmurs of perplexed chagrin from both Fin and Amanda as the vehicle comes to a halt outside of a dwelling that has without a doubt seen much better days, and Carisi graces them with another excited grin, the younger man's features appearing somewhat childish in his holiday glee.

"Well, here we are!" he exclaims exuberantly, waving a hand to indicate their surroundings, Olivia peering through her window and squinting into the darkness to try and get a better look at where exactly they are.

"Home sweet home," Carisi continues happily as he opens the driver's side door and several bits of Christmas paraphernalia that he had purchased at the little store go sliding off his lap and into the snow. "Well, at least it's home for the next few days. And my family and I spent many wonderful Christmases here when I was growing up, so it was always our home during the holidays."

" _This_ is the charming country cabin you've been going on and on about?" Amanda mutters in disbelief, Olivia elbowing her sharply in the side to make her stop talking.

"Ouch," the blonde detective murmurs, rubbing her ribs and shooting a glare in Olivia's direction.

She glares right back at Amanda, a silent warning to stop with this line of discussion before Carisi gets his feelings hurt, tapping Fin lightly on the back of the head when she hears similar noises of disgruntlement emitting from the passenger seat. Olivia's heart clenches in her chest when she sees the grin on Carisi's face fading somewhat, and she resolves right then and there to be as positive as she possibly can throughout the next few days, having endured her fair share of horrible Christmases over the years and not wanting to be the one to dim her colleague's festive mood.

"Well, I'll admit this place isn't exactly a palace, okay?" Carisi says rather sheepishly as he leans over to pick up the items that have fallen to the ground. "But it's been good enough for my family and I over the years, and it's a nice break from all of the noise and traffic of the city. It's so quiet and peaceful out here; you're going to love it, I promise."

"I'd say that was the understatement of the year," Fin hisses under his breath, when Carisi is striding toward the front door with Frannie quick on his heels and no longer within earshot. "This place is about as far from a palace as you can possibly get! It looks like it was built at least a century ago. And I think we're here at the wrong time of year; we should have come at Halloween instead."

"It is pretty spooky," Amanda agrees softly as she leans over Olivia to appraise their surroundings, Olivia rolling her eyes as the other woman invades her personal space seemingly without thought or care. "Do you think it's haunted?"

"That wouldn't surprise me in the least," Fin replies with a knowing nod, jutting his chin toward the cabin that looks as if it might fall to pieces if one of them so much as steps a foot inside the door. "Probably haunted by all of Carisi's ancestors, each one of them just as obnoxious about Christmas as he is."

Amanda breaks into laughter and Fin snickers along with her, Olivia sighing harshly in response while she rakes her hands back through her hair and lets her mind wander toward the liquor that is awaiting them in the trunk of the car, wondering if alcohol might be the only way to make it through the next few days without completely losing her mind. She throws her door open and plunks her feet down onto the ice, determined to help Carisi unpack the vehicle and ignore her other co-workers while doing so, hoping against hope that the interior of the cabin is a bit more updated that the exterior.

The moment Olivia wobbles into a standing position on the slick driveway, her feet are sliding out from underneath her on the frozen ground and her arms are windmilling in a desperate attempt to keep herself upright. Despite her struggle to remain on her feet, she is very quickly sprawling headfirst onto the slushy gravel, catching herself with her hands at the very last second before she faceplants right into a shiny patch of ice.

"Liv, are you okay?!"

She can hear the frantic voices of her colleagues calling out to her as she lays there in dazed silence for a moment, rolling over on the ground just in time for a warm, wet canine tongue to drag a sloppy path right across her face. "Ugh," she mutters in disgust, wiping an arm over her cheeks and gazing up at her group of subordinates who are hovering in a worried knot above her, frowning down in concern and asking repeatedly if she is okay.

"Liv, I probably should have mentioned that we have a bit of a drainage problem on this property, so we tend to get multiple puddles that ice up pretty quickly in weather like this," Carisi says guiltily as he reaches an arm down for Olivia to grab ahold of, Fin and Amanda helping to hoist her back into an upright position. "For future reference, the driveway is slippery, okay?"

"Thank you for stating the obvious, Carisi," Olivia grumbles dryly as she rubs her aching back, unable to stop herself from leaning into Amanda when the younger woman wraps an arm around her waist, her legs threatening to collapse under her again.

"Come on, Liv, let's get you inside," Amanda says gently as she begins to lead her toward the front door of the cabin, Frannie racing back and forth through the snow in a whirlwind of blurry fur.

"You ladies get settled safely indoors and Fin and I will unpack the car," Carisi adds chivalrously, Fin muttering something under his breath that Olivia doesn't quite catch as Amanda walks her slowly up a set of rickety steps that are even icier than the driveway.

Olivia tries very hard not to react when they enter the tiny cabin with Frannie prancing alongside them, Amanda's arm remaining securely wrapped around her waist so she doesn't trip again, the other woman letting out a soft groan beside her at what they see.

The main entryway is only a few feet wide and opens up into a small living room with wooden walls, a wooden floor and a wooden ceiling, a sagging couch and chair the only pieces of furniture in the room and both of which are pointed toward a dingy fireplace. A window that has been cut into the wall above the couch looks into what is quite obviously the kitchen, as Olivia can spot an antique fridge and stove sitting side by side; and it appears that these are the only two rooms on the main floor, aside from a broom closet.

"Where the hell is the TV?" Fin asks in surprise as he strides through the open front door, his arms laden down with luggage and bags of food, those liquor bottles clinking enticingly against one another as he sets everything down in a heap in the entryway.

"And where's the bathroom?" Amanda murmurs to Olivia as they sit down side by side on the couch, both women startled when it droops deeply beneath their combined weight, Olivia momentarily convinced that they are going to sink right through to the bottom. "It was a really long trip and I'm kind of in need of one."

"There is no TV," Carisi announces as he follows Fin inside, his own arms packed high with the remainder of the items they had brought along for the trip. "And the bathroom is right up those stairs, between the two bedrooms."

"No TV?" Fin replies in disbelief, the older man's eyebrows raised high on his forehead as if he can't quite comprehend such a thing. "What do you mean? How can there be no TV? What do you when it gets dark?"

"We talk to each other," Carisi answers with a smile, Fin's eyes widening in horror as a string of expletives emanate from his mouth in response.

"Talk to each other?" he echoes incredulously, titling his head as he gazes steadily at Carisi. "Don't we do that enough at work?"

"And what did you mean when you said the bathroom was between the two bedrooms?" Amanda inquires warily, Olivia craning her neck to try and get a look up the decrepit set of stairs and wincing when the movement causes a sharp pain to radiate down her back, most likely from her earlier fall.

"I meant that it was located in the middle with the bedrooms on either side," Carisi says in confusion as he gestures toward the dark stairwell, Olivia wondering with trepidation at what awaits them up there.

"Yeah, I got that part," Amanda huffs in irritation with a frown of her own. "But only _two_ bedrooms? I don't get it. I thought your whole family stayed here together while you were growing up. Don't you have a few sisters?"

"Yes," Carisi responds with a shrug, still sounding slightly confused by the situation. "My parents had the master bedroom and my sisters and I stayed across the hall in the smaller room. We have two sets of bunk beds in there."

"Oh boy, this just keeps getting better and better," Olivia hears the younger woman murmur in a low tone, and she elbows Amanda in the ribs once again.

"Okay, just for the record, I ain't sleeping in no bunk beds," Fin blurts out as he sprawls into the armchair that is covered in an old red and white checkered quilt. "I'm way too old for that kind of shit. I haven't slept in a bunk bed since I was twelve."

"No problem at all, Fin," Carisi says breezily as he lays a friendly hand on his co-worker's shoulder. "I figured we could give the ladies some privacy while they sleep, so you and I will take the master bedroom and Liv and Amanda can take the other room. No bunk beds for my best guy here. You get to sleep in a nice, comfortable queen-size bed, okay?"

"Well, okay, that sounds pretty good," Fin agrees in somewhat mollified tone before he leans back in the chair and squints up at Carisi, as if something important has just occurred to him. "Wait a minute, if I get the bed, then where are you going to sleep?"

"Well, with you, of course," Carisi replies like this is a no-brainer, the aghast look on Fin's face almost enough to make Olivia burst right out laughing and forget about how much her back hurts. "It's a big bed so I figured we could share. You wouldn't want to make me sleep on the floor in my own cabin, would you, Fin?"

"Nah, I would never dream of such a thing," the older man snorts, getting to his feet and clapping Carisi on the shoulder a little harder than necessary. "You knock yourself out, man. The queen-size bed is all yours."

"Those bunk beds aren't sounding so bad now, are they, Fin?" Amanda snickers as she stands up beside her partner and they begin picking up the bags of food to bring into the kitchen. "I guess you'll be spending the night with us ladies, huh?"

"Might as well stick with what I'm used to," Fin smirks with a waggle of his eyebrows, Amanda rolling her eyes in response and bumping him with her arm as they begin heading into the kitchen.

"Oh yeah, Fin, you are quite the ladies man, aren't you?" she teases as the two of them disappear into the next the room, the lights flickering on a second later.

For a moment it's completely quiet in the living room as Olivia remains slumped tiredly on the couch, her entire body seeming to ache now, and Carisi standing there somewhat uncertainly, dragging the toe of one boot back and forth across the wooden floor like a displeased little boy who is pouting. She can hear Amanda and Fin whispering heatedly to each other in the next room as they unpack the groceries, the air punctuated with occasional bursts of muffled laughter, and she can only guess at what is being said as they go about putting food and drinks into the fridge and cupboards, glasses and cans clinking loudly together.

"You okay there, Carisi?" Olivia asks gently, quirking an eyebrow at the younger man who seems to be quite a bit more deflated now that they have arrived at their destination and everyone has gotten a good look at where they will be spending the holiday weekend.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Liv," he replies in a sullen tone, his shoulders hunching up to his ears and a soft sigh escaping his mouth.

"Are you sure about that?" she prods with a slight smile, Carisi now beginning to resemble an overgrown toddler who is on the verge of a tantrum. "Because you don't look fine to me."

"I know you guys don't like the cabin," he says sadly, staring at her with eyes that are filled with so much disappointment, it is all she can do to remain on the couch and not stand up to wrap him in a comforting hug.

"We like it, Carisi," Olivia assures him kindly, biting down hard on her lower lip when she hears a mumbled 'this place sucks' coming from the kitchen behind her. "Maybe it's just not what everyone was expecting, that's all. It's a little more...rustic...than we thought it would be."

"But that's half the fun, isn't it, Liv?" Carisi answers in a brighter tone as he crouches down beside the couch so they are eye to eye, Olivia relieved to see that somewhat obnoxious sparkle back in his expression. "I know I talked it up quite a bit before we left, but it's only because I love it here so much. It's a magical place, it really is. My family I love roughing it out in the country, without all the amenities we have in the city. It's a simpler way of life and we try to get out here as often as we can. And it's a great place to spend Christmas, you'll see."

"I'm sure it is, Carisi," Olivia responds in a soothing voice as she reaches out to give her co-worker's arm a squeeze, gritting her teeth when 'it's time to get fucking wasted' sounds from the kitchen, the playful words making Carisi's face fall again.

"Amanda, will you please stop talking about getting drunk?" she calls out in a stern tone, a hush falling briefly over the kitchen before Amanda and Fin can be heard chuckling amid the clinking of bottles and the whispering of 'cheers', like they can hide what they are doing from the rest of the group.

"We really are happy to be here, Carisi," Olivia is quick to assure him, privately admitting that she is already dreading sleeping on a tiny bunk bed and sharing the room with her colleagues who will no doubt be inebriated out of their minds by that point; making the firm decision that she will not be drinking a drop tonight. "And like you said in the car, we'll go out early tomorrow morning to cut down a Christmas tree and make the place look nice and festive."

"We have lots of other decorations here too, packed into every single closet in the cabin," Carisi adds enthusiastically, the corner of Olivia's lip lifting in amusement at the lightning-fast mood swings of the younger man. "We can have this place ready for the holidays in no time! You'll help me decorate, won't you, Liv?"

"Uhh...sure, Carisi, of course I will," she hedges cautiously, never having been one to decorate much over the years, but unable to say no to the pleading look on her subordinate's face.

"Hey, Liv, you want a beer?" Amanda suddenly asks, Olivia glancing up to see the blonde detective leaning through the window in the kitchen and holding an ice cold bottle of beer in her direction.

"No, Amanda, I don't," she responds somewhat testily, the combination of being stuck here over Christmas with her colleague, the intensifying pain in her muscles, and the way Amanda and Fin have been treating Carisi starting to grate even more steadily on her nerves. "And the two of you better not go overboard with the alcohol tonight, do you hear me? Every single one of us are getting up bright and early tomorrow morning to look for the perfect Christmas tree with Carisi. And if you're hungover, that's absolutely no excuse for staying in bed and missing out on all the fun."

"Wow, you're kind of a buzz kill, Mom," Amanda mutters in chagrin before ducking her head back inside the kitchen and rejoining Fin, Olivia rolling her eyes in annoyance.

"Thanks for sticking up for me, Liv," Carisi says softly, the childish grin on his face inducing one of her own as she gets to her feet with a stifled moan, her muscles screaming at her and begging for some sort of relief.

"No problem," Olivia replies lightly, patting Carisi on the arm as she heads toward the stairs. "I'm not really sure I want to partake in all of the alcohol-induced shenanigans tonight, so would you mind showing me where I'll be staying while I'm here? I think I'll turn in early."

"Yeah, sure," Carisi says he follows her toward the stairs, motioning through the window for the others to join them, Amanda and Fin appearing at the doorway to the kitchen, each with a bottle of beer clutched in one hand and wary looks on their faces. "I might as well give you guys the grand tour of the second floor."

They troop up wooden stairs that sway in a disconcerting manner beneath their feet, one after the other in a line with Frannie scooting by them as if it's a race to get to the top, the tightly knotted group bumping into each other when they reach the second level, as there is hardly any space to move.

"Okay, the bathroom is here," Carisi explains as he gestures behind them to a tiny room also decorated in various shades of wood. "Amanda, you mentioned needing it earlier, so you can go first. The master bedroom is to my right and the clown room is to my left."

"Wait, what?" Fin responds instantly as he comes to an abrupt halt just inside the darkened room, each one of the group crashing into the person in front of them. "What the hell is a clown room?"

"I think we're about to find out," Olivia hears Amanda murmur in trepidation as Carisi reaches over to flick on the light.

"Oh, it's just what we call the bedroom we stayed in as kids," he answers offhandedly, fumbling around for the switch on the wall. "My mom had a thing for clowns when we were young; she thought they were cute and funny so that's the theme she chose for our bedroom here at the cabin. We loved it and just left it the way it was. It's kind of a nostalgic thing for us when we come here now, so no one has ever bothered to change it."

Olivia is standing at the back of the group and the terrified looks on both Amanda and Fin's faces are really quite comical when the dim lighting finally flickers on and reveals the interior of the bedroom, her jaw dropping slightly at what she sees. She knows the expression on her own face very quickly matches that of her colleagues when she gets a glimpse of just what is residing in their sleeping quarters, the entire room bedecked with every kind of clown imaginable; the creepy circus creatures adorning the wallpaper and the pictures on the walls, and a truly horrifying giant stuffed clown sitting in a child's chair in the corner.

"Oh, _hell_ , no," Fin sputters out when they are standing in a circle inside the bedroom, Frannie's ears plastered flat to the top of her head and a strangled bark sounding from her throat as she tiptoes over to the large clown to give it a curious sniff.

"So let me get this straight," the older man continues as he stares disbelievingly at Carisi, taking a giant gulp from his bottle of beer and Amanda hastily following suit, the younger woman's complexion even paler than it usually is. "My choices for the night are to either share a bed with you in the master bedroom or stay in here with the girls and risk being murdered in my sleep by that thing in the chair over there that Frannie is trying to eat?"

"Oh, that's just Mister Chuckles," Carisi replies with a laugh as he gently shoos Frannie away from the stuffed animal, the dog growling low in her throat at the doll. "He's harmless, Fin; nothing but a child's toy that my dad won at a fair when we were kids." He looks around at each of them with his hands planted on his hips and an amused smirk fixed on his face. "Wow, if I'd had known every single one of you was scared of clowns, I would have just suggested the three of you share the queen-size bed while I sleep in here by myself."

"Oh my god," Olivia mutters with a mixture of exhaustion and frustration and just the tiniest hint of fear when she chances a glance at all the clowns that are staring back at her, not sure how this vacation could possibly get any worse.

At this point she is giving serious consideration to spending the remainder of the night out in the car, as the risk of freezing to death is starting to seem like a better option than any of the others that have been suggested so far, turning promptly to the youngest member of their group and trying to keep the desperation out of her voice when she speaks again.

"Amanda, I think I'll take that beer now."


	3. Terrified Team

**My goal is to get this story completed by the new year, so there will either be one or two more chapters of this fic that I will try to get posted as quickly as possible. I hope everyone had a great Christmas! :)**

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It is nearing midnight and Olivia has lost count of how many bottles of beer she has indulged in that evening after deciding not to go to bed right away, snuggled between Amanda and Fin on the dangerously-sagging living room couch while Carisi sits in the armchair and regales them all with dramatic tales of the Christmases of his youth. Her knees are nearly touching her chin and her butt is almost right on the floor as she takes another swig of the foamy liquid, realizing that the more alcohol she drinks, the less she is bothered by the alarmingly decrepit state of the entire cabin.

They have all descended pretty far into a booze-induced haze of stupidity and hilarity by that point, and have been taking turns sharing embarrassing stories from their younger years; dating disasters and mishaps as rookie police officers and anything else that happens to come to mind. Frannie gives a sudden jerk from her spot on the floor, briefly roused from slumber by the sharp bark of Fin's laughter before dozing off again in a pile of furry limbs, finally calm after her terrifying encounter with the giant stuffed clown up in the bedroom that Olivia will be sharing with Amanda and Fin later on.

She and Carisi have both given in to the enticing pull of alcohol, despite the earlier lectures they had each bestowed upon their colleagues, Olivia still trying to get over the horror of what awaits them upstairs when they finally drag themselves to bed for the night, and Carisi adopting an 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em' attitude. Amanda and Fin are currently competing to see who can belch the entire alphabet the fastest, and Olivia finds herself laughing hysterically at her co-workers' immature antics, everyone showing a side of their personalities that the others have never seen before.

Carisi is still sporting the Santa hat he had been wearing in the car, along with a set of red and green checkered Christmas pajamas with a giant elf plastered onto the front of his shirt, and Olivia can't help but marvel at how much her detective resembles a little boy at the moment; goofy grin plastered across his animated face as he enjoys the evening with his co-workers. She is happy that everyone seems to have loosened up quite a bit after the initial shock of their holiday accommodations, and relieved that Amanda and Fin have eased off on the teasing of their colleague, seeming to settle more contentedly into their surroundings.

By the time they stumble up the stairs in the wee hours of the morning, Olivia has forgotten all about the clown room; and the circus creatures adorning every square inch of the bedroom are a fresh shock to the system when she steps through the doorway, horrified all over again. The clowns have taken on a far more disturbing and sinister appearance now that she is completely plastered, and she finds herself eyeing the giant doll in the corner with a growing suspicion as she settles into one of the bottom bunks, Amanda sleeping in the bed above her and Fin on the lower bunk across from them.

It is fairly quiet for the next several minutes as Olivia pulls the covers up to her chin and tries in vain to get comfortable on the small bed, listening to Frannie pacing restlessly downstairs and Carisi moving around in the master bedroom on the other side of the hallway. Her stomach turns over in a nauseating fashion as she struggles to find an adequate sleeping position on the lumpy mattress, wondering if all the beer she has consumed over the past few hours will be making a return appearance at some point in the very near future.

"I think that thing is staring straight into my soul," Fin suddenly whispers into the darkness, breaking the silence that has fallen over the room.

"What?" Olivia whispers back, sighing harshly as she thumps a fist into the rock-hard pillow she is lying on.

"The clown," he continues in a hushed tone, Olivia raising her head to see the stuffed toy sitting in the child's chair like a petrifying sentry, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end when she realizes that Fin is absolutely right.

"Don't be ridiculous," she mutters in response, unwilling to admit that it does indeed look like the clown is peering right inside her soul, swiftly avoiding eye contact with the creature and feeling incredibly foolish for being so frightened of such a thing at her age. "It's just a harmless toy. Go to sleep, Fin."

There is a loud thump right next to her head as a pair of feet hit the wooden floor and Olivia jerks upright again with a yelp when she sees Amanda standing there in front of her, apparently having climbed very quickly down from the bed above her own. "What the hell are you doing?" she demands in surprise when the younger woman immediately begins clambering over top of her body.

"Getting behind you," Amanda murmurs drunkenly as she positions herself flat against Olivia's back, squished between her lieutenant and the wall.

"Why?"

"I need a buffer zone," the blonde detective hiccups into her ear, Olivia wincing when a bony kneecap makes contact with the aching muscles of her thigh.

"A buffer zone?" she echoes in confusion as she almost loses her balance and falls to the floor, the bed barely big enough to hold one of them, let alone two.

"I need a barrier between me and the clown," Amanda whimpers in a slurred voice, Olivia feeling a small hand clutching onto the shoulder of her pajama shirt in inebriated panic. "I don't want to be murdered in my sleep."

"Good call, Amanda," Fin says in approval from his own bed. "You let Liv deal with the clown. That's why she's the boss."

"Oh, for god's sake," Olivia snaps in annoyance as she feels Amanda drape herself as closely as possible against her back, her fear and uneasiness giving way to impatience and anger. "Will the two of you please grow up? No one is getting murdered in their sleep by a damn doll! Can we just stop talking about the stupid clown now and try to get some rest? We have to be up bright and early to go out into the woods and cut down a Christmas tree with Carisi."

The utter absurdity and unfamiliarity of the situation; that she is squished onto a tiny bunk bed with her subordinate, two of the toughest detectives she has ever worked with reduced to quivering heaps of drunken terror due to a child's toy, coupled with having to march out into the forest to cut down a tree like they are in some cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie, is enough to make her want to burst into either laughter or tears.

"Liv, I think I'm gonna throw up," Amanda whispers with a certain amount of urgency, the other woman's arm wrapped so tightly around her ribs that Olivia is having trouble drawing in a deep breath.

"Well, stop hugging me and go into the bathroom," Olivia orders as she tries to twist around on the mattress to get a better look at Amanda, her next words emitting in an anxious warning. "Don't you dare throw up in this bed."

"I'm too scared to move," Amanda squeaks in fright, Olivia stifling a groan as she scrubs her hands over her face in frustration.

"Amanda, you need to get up if you're going to be sick," she explains sternly, the entire room swaying disconcertingly in her vision as she tries to pull away from her co-worker but finds the other woman stuck to her body like glue. "You can't throw up in the place we're supposed to sleep."

"Just don't throw up on the clown," Fin advises in an ominous tone, Olivia feeling Amanda nodding in agreement against her back. "Don't make it angry."

"Alright, guys, _enough_ ," Olivia sighs in exasperation, her own stomach roiling unpleasantly again in response to their topic of conversation. "Amanda, do you want me to come into the bathroom with you?"

"No, I'll be okay," the smaller woman replies in a determined voice, laying her head down on the pillow next to Olivia's. "I don't need to get up."

"Are you sure?" Olivia questions skeptically, not wanting to deal with a grotesque mess in the bed just because her drunk colleague is too terrified to use the bathroom when she needs to be sick.

"I'm sure," Amanda answers more calmly now, twisting around repeatedly under the covers as if searching for the perfect spot to sleep and coming to the conclusion that it is not going to happen. "It was just a momentary wave of nausea that has passed."

"Okay, good, I'm glad to hear that. Can you settle down back there?" Olivia grunts softly as she feels one of Amanda's feet come into hard contact with her calf, relieved that the smaller woman isn't going to be sick but not thrilled to be sharing a bed with her.

"Sorry, I can't get comfortable," Amanda mutters in irritation, a sharp elbow swiping Olivia's ribs. "This bed is ridiculously small."

"Well, it's a twin bed that was made for a child, Amanda. It wasn't intended for two grown women." Olivia finds herself sobering up quite quickly now that she is enveloped in such an obnoxious situation, waiting for Amanda to come to her senses and realize how childish she is being and thereby returning to her own bed for the night.

There is an awkward silence for a moment, Olivia's fingers crossed hopefully and her eyelids fluttering closed in relief at her co-worker's next sentence. "I can go back to my own bed, if that's what you really want."

"Well, is that what you want?" Olivia asks carefully with a roll of her eyes, because she is pretty that she is stuck with Amanda for the night as she listens to the slight hitch in the other woman's breathing, her voice coming out in a drunken whine when she speaks again.

 _"No."_ The single word is said with such a pleading note of fear that Olivia finds herself caving into Amanda's request, her heart melting as she feels the smaller body that is tucked behind her own snuggling impossibly closer in hopes of not being rejected.

"Then you can stay." There is a resigned weariness in her voice when she replies, a corner of her lip quirking up into a halfhearted smile when she hears Amanda's sigh of satisfaction. "Just please go right to sleep, though, okay? That goes for you too, Fin. I've had quite enough of this day and I would like it to be over now."

There is no more conversation to be had as her subordinates actually seem to listen to what she is saying, silence rapidly descending over the room once again, as well as the rest of the cabin beyond. Frannie appears to have stopped her relentless pacing downstairs and Olivia doesn't hear a peep from Carisi in the bedroom across the hall, her eyelids fluttering closed and hoping she will have glorious dreams of celebrating Christmas alone in her quiet apartment in New York; a place where everything actually functions properly and none of her colleagues are anywhere in sight.

Olivia has never been in such close quarters with Amanda before and quickly discovers that she is not an ideal candidate to share a bed with, especially one so tiny that it is virtually impossible to create any kind of space between them. The other woman is a restless and seemingly discontent sleeper, sighing and moaning as she slumbers, all knees and elbows, and Olivia has lost count of how many times various parts of Amanda's body have come into sharp, painful contact with her own; quite sure that come morning, she will be finding even more bruises on herself, in addition to the ones she has already incurred from her fall on the ice.

Just as Olivia is drifting off to sleep with Amanda's arm wrapped around her neck in a chokehold, she can't help cracking one cautious eye open just to make sure that damn clown is still sitting in its chair and not creeping around the room with murderous intent.

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A splitting headache that feels akin to that of a surgeon's scalpel slicing right through the center of her brain awakens Olivia several hours later, her brow furrowing in confusion as she feels bright sunshine warming her face and hears a raucous burst of laughter from outside the window. She is briefly perplexed at the sensation of an extra body in the bed with her, an arm locked around her ribs and a leg thrown over her waist, before remembering the events of the night previous and realizing that Amanda is lying behind her, squished between her taller form and the wall.

"Is Fin still alive?" a murmured voice that is full of sleep and still sounds half drunk inquires into her ear.

"Huh?" Olivia mutters in return, her frown deepening as she cracks an eyelid open and blearily takes in the empty bed across from her, the older man nowhere to be seen.

"Did the clown get him during the night?"

Olivia can't help the amused chuckle that emits from her throat at the younger woman's ridiculous and seemingly unconcerned inquiry of the state of their friend's well being, Amanda's emotionless tone not matching the somber quality of her question. She instantly regrets her action as another lightning-hot bolt of pain slashes down through her head, Olivia wincing in response and reaching up to shield her eyes from the bright sunshine that is pouring into the bedroom, further illuminating the horrifying decorating choice of Carisi's mother.

"Well, he's not in the room with us anymore, but considering there's no pool of blood either in his bed or on the floor, I think it's safe to assume that he's okay," Olivia replies wryly, dragging herself into a sitting position on the bed and pulling away from Amanda to totter over to the window on violently trembling legs, her entire body aching from her fall in the driveway upon their arrival yesterday and the copious amount of booze she had ingested last night.

The world outside the cabin is a dazzling winter wonderland, soft swirls of snow covering the country fields beyond their small dwelling and giving the property the appearance of something straight out of a fairy tale with the sun glittering like diamonds across the snowy expanse, a far cry from how the city likely looks this morning. There is a large pine tree lying on the ground near the rear door, Frannie racing back and forth through the sparkly white mounds as she barks in glee while Carisi tosses a red rubber ball into the air for her to fetch.

Olivia spots Fin hovering grumpily nearby, her oldest detective repeatedly kicking a stump with his foot and very poorly dressed for the freezing winter weather, a giant wave of relief enveloping her when she finally puts two and two together and realizes that the male members of their group have already trecked out into the woods to cut down the Christmas tree. Amanda is exuding a similar amount of relief as the other woman joins her at the window and they slump there together in hungover exhaustion, watching the antics taking place down in the yard.

"Hey, look at that, our boys have built an anatomically correct snowman," Amanda points out with a chuckle, gesturing toward the three lumps of snow stacked one on top of the other near the prone Christmas tree.

Olivia shakes her head and lets loose with a laugh of her own when she takes in the snow creature that is clad in Carisi's Santa hat and sporting a very large pair of breasts. "Okay, I'm a little confused here because not only did Carisi somehow manage to convince Fin to go out into the forest and cut down a tree with him, but they've also built a snowman together? What's going on here?"

"Maybe they've been doing some male bonding while letting us get some rest," Amanda shrugs as they turn away from the window, both of them avoiding making eye contact with the stuffed clown in the corner of the room. "Or maybe it's just the magic of Christmas," she adds with a giggle, clutching onto Olivia's arm as they carefully make their way down the swaying set of wooden stairs and into the living room.

As if on cue, Frannie bursts through the back door of the cabin and comes barreling through the kitchen, leaping at Amanda with soaking wet paws as if she has been separated from her owner for an entire year, Carisi and Fin trailing behind her; the former wearing a giant grin of excitement and the latter grouchily throwing a pinecone from one hand to the other, looking down at the object like he doesn't quite know what to make of it.

"It's called a pinecone, Fin," Amanda tells her partner with a roll of her eyes as a gust of chilly wind blows into the cabin in their wake, the older man immediately slamming the door closed behind them. "You find them out in nature."

"Hey, don't you be giving me a lecture about nature, missy," Fin snarls in return, tossing the pinecone to the side and Frannie instantly attacking it. "We've been freezing our balls off out in the frigid winter weather while the two of you sleeping beauties have snoozed the morning away. I don't want to hear anything except multiple thank yous coming out of that mouth of yours."

"Yeah, we're a little confused about that," Olivia speaks up as she starts to take a seat on the couch and then remembers nearly ending up on the floor due to the sagging quality of the piece of furniture, choosing to remain standing instead. "How exactly did Carisi manage to convince you to do all of that stuff with him this morning?"

"I told Fin he could have the master bedroom to himself for the rest of the trip and that I would never invite him to the cabin again for as long as we live," Carisi explains cheerfully as he steps out of the kitchen with a festive Christmas apron tied around his waist and matching oven mitts on his hands. "Looks like you ladies will have the pleasure of my company for the next couple of nights."

"Fabulous," Olivia hears Amanda mutter dryly under her breath. "What do I have to do to never get invited back?"

If Carisi is offended by his colleague's comment, he doesn't show it, instead throwing his arms up into the air with a boisterous "Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!" and explaining that they can all relax while he makes them a big brunch to help soak up any remaining alcohol that is still swimming through their systems.

"I have the hangover from hell," Fin admits in a rough whisper as they all stand around the living room, too afraid to sit down on either the couch or the chair. "I thought I was going to die out in those woods. Carisi wanted to cut down this 9-foot tall monster of a tree but I talked him into picking a much smaller one. Shit, I've never done that before. That was hard work."

"Your snowwoman is very sexy," Amanda smirks as she gestures vaguely in the direction of the backyard, and Fin actually has the courtesy to blush at her comment. "She's quite voluptuous."

"Yeah, well, I had a moment of immaturity, okay?" he murmurs with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I needed something to get me through this Christmas vacation from hell."

"I think we've all had enough moments of immaturity since arriving here yesterday so maybe we should tone it down today," Olivia advises firmly, the three of them wincing simultaneously as the loud crashing of dishes sounds from the kitchen and Carisi calls out an apology. "I think we should take a break from the drinking for the rest of our trip."

Amanda fixes her with an incredulous expression, like Olivia has just suggested that they fly to the moon for Christmas, and is instantly shaking her head in disagreement. "That's not happening, Liv. The only way I've been surviving this vacation is because I've spent most it drunk so far."

"And speaking of drinking, how the hell is he so upbeat and energetic?" Fin hisses in annoyance, jerking a thumb toward the next room where they can hear Carisi whistling happily as he cooks. "He drank as much as the rest of us did, but he doesn't seem affected by it at all."

"I think Carisi is so filled with the spirit of the season that nothing negative can touch him," Amanda snickers in reply, her blonde hair standing on end as she drags her hands back through the unruly strands. "He's living in his own little bubble of Christmas magic."

"I think we need to burst that bubble," Fin groans in exasperation as the off-key lyrics to 'It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year' come warbling in from the kitchen, Carisi's singing voice making it very clear that he had been wise in not choosing a career in the music industry.

"Guys, just lay off of him today, okay?" Olivia sighs tiredly as her shaking legs finally give out from under her and she is forced to take a tentative seat in the rickety armchair. "We see so much doom and gloom everyday on the job, so is it really such a bad thing that one us can actually manage to be in a good mood at this time of year?"

"Well, that's easy for you to say, Liv, since you spent the whole morning lazing around in bed with Goldilocks over here," Fin replies in a disgruntled tone, inclining his head toward his partner who has curled up on the floor with her dog instead of tempting fate with the dangerous couch. "I was dragged all over half the countryside in search of a perfect tree before being forced to build a person made out of snow. Consider yourself lucky."

"Okay, guys, the food will be ready soon!" Carisi announces cheerily as he leans his head in through the kitchen window that overlooks the living room, briefly startling them all with his proclamation. "I hope you're hungry because you're going to need to fuel up for the rest of the day. We need to have this place decorated from top to bottom before Santa gets here tonight."

"Please kill me," Fin begs in a whispered tone as Amanda rolls over on the floor with a moan and buries her face into her pet's soft fur. "He doesn't actually still believe in Santa Claus, does he?"

"Nothing would surprise me at this point," Olivia answers deflatedly, the combination of her detective's high spirits, her aching muscles and her excruciating hangover, likely to make this a very long day indeed.

"Is it too early to start drinking again?" Amanda asks seriously from her sprawled position on the floor, and Olivia is fairly certain that despite her best attempts to get everyone to slow down with the alcohol, they are all going to end up spending Christmas Eve as drunk as they possibly can.


	4. Festive Fight

**Happy New Year, everyone! :)**

 **My goal was to get this Christmas story done before January arrived, but that won't be happening since there will be one more chapter after this. I will try to get it posted as quickly as possible, though. I hope everyone has been enjoying the holiday season!**

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"Okay, it needs to be a little higher on your side, Liv."

Olivia obediently raises the garland above her head with as much patience as she can muster, tottering unsteadily on the step ladder while her aching muscles scream at her for relief, Carisi making sure to issue very exact instructions during the decorating process. Fin is standing on a similar ladder of his own a few feet away as they drape a festive garland over the doorway separating the living room and kitchen, Frannie snoozing peacefully under the Christmas tree which has been set up in the corner and is so full of ornaments and tinsel and lights that it is hard to tell there is an actual tree underneath it all.

Olivia casts a suspicious glance around the room as Amanda is conveniently nowhere to be seen just as they are getting to the more difficult parts of the decorating procedure, and she thinks that she is able to catch a whiff of smoke coming from the front porch. Christmas music is blaring on the little radio in the kitchen, the melody occasionally hard to make out over the regular bouts of static, and shortbread cookies are baking in the ancient oven, the smell casting a heavenly aroma over the entire cabin. Bright orange flames are flickering in the dingy fireplace and Olivia has to admit that the place looks quite cozy and inviting, despite its overall shabby appearance.

"Alright, Fin, now it needs to be higher on your side."

The older man merely grunts in response to Carisi's order as he halfheartedly lifts his arm, wobbling briefly on his feet while taking a sip from his bottle of beer.

"It might be best if you put the beer down so you can fully concentrate on your task," Carisi advises seriously from his position on the floor, one hand resting on his hip while he adjusts the Santa hat perched on his head with the other. "I think you need to use both hands for this, Fin. We want it to be perfect, don't we?"

"We sure do," Fin replies sarcastically, refusing to relinquish the hold on his alcohol and taking a large gulp this time as he looks around questioningly. "Where the hell is Rollins? Shouldn't she be helping out with all of this shit?"

"I think she went outside for some fresh air," Carisi answers distractedly as he waves a hand toward the door, frowning as Olivia climbs down from her ladder and breathes a sigh of relief to be standing on solid ground again. "Liv, what are you doing? We're not done yet."

"It looks fine, Carisi," Olivia sighs tiredly, shrugging her jacket on and pulling her boots over her feet, intent on locating Amanda and dragging her back inside to be of some help, as the decorating process has been going on for hours now and she is exhausted. "I'm just going to find our absent colleague and kindly ask her to rejoin us."

"Give her hell, Liv," Fin nods in approval as he too abandons the crooked strand of garland in favor of returning to solid ground. "Tell her to get her ass back in here or I'm tucking that giant stuffed clown into bed with her tonight."

"I'll let her know, Fin." Olivia rolls her eyes and shakes her head as she catches the last part of the conversation on her way out the door, glad to be stepping into the frigid air and getting a break from the guys.

"Hey, Mister Chuckles is actually a very good nighttime companion if you're cold and need something to cuddle with," Carisi is saying in defense of the toy clown as she begins pulling the door closed behind her, smirking at Fin's response.

"Oh my god, man, I'm not even going to ask."

Olivia tries to forget about the somewhat disturbing discussion that is taking place between her male co-workers and squints into the sunshine as she looks for Amanda, spotting the younger woman leaning against the trunk of a nearby tree and smoking a cigarette. It has begun snowing lightly, the large flakes drifting down lazily from the sky and coating the blonde detective's hair with a fine layer of white fluff, making Amanda appear much more angelic than she actually is, and Olivia's eyes narrow as she takes in the relaxed posture of the other woman.

"Hey!" she calls out, Amanda's head instantly snapping up at the sharp sound of her boss' voice and a guilty expression crossing her delicate features. "We've been looking for you. Shouldn't you be inside with us, helping out with the decorating?"

"I had to bring Frannie outside for some exercise." Amanda gestures vaguely around the yard as she takes another drag from her cigarette, her normally pale cheeks stained pink with cold.

"Oh, really? Well, that's funny because Frannie is sound asleep underneath the Christmas tree right now," Olivia replies with an arched eyebrow, digging her gloves out of the pocket of her jacket and pulling them on over hands that are already chilled.

"Is that right?" Amanda's previously guilty gaze is now radiating innocence as the two women gaze at one another in challenge. "She must have snuck back inside while I wasn't looking."

"Yeah, she must have," Olivia snorts in derision, both eyebrows raised high on her forehead now. "And opened the door all by herself too. That's quite a talented dog you have there, Amanda."

"Yup, she's a special girl," the smaller woman agrees with a cheeky grin, Olivia shaking her head in response and unsure of whether she should be amused or annoyed by this situation.

"You just came out here to avoid doing any work," she accuses in a frustrated tone.

"I'm on _vacation_ , Liv," Amanda whines, using finger quotes to describe their rather interesting holiday location. "I don't want to work."

The front door suddenly swings open, startling them both, and Olivia half expects to see Frannie standing there since they have just been joking around about the canine's superior skills, but Carisi is framed in the doorway instead, the tall Italian man shading his eyes against the glare as he appears to be blinded by the sunlight. "Hey Liv, did you find her?" he yells out across the mounds of snow separating them.

"Yup, I've got her!" Olivia yells back in triumph, seizing Amanda's wrist and holding her arm into the air; feeling a bit immature with the glee that overtakes her when she sees the other woman glowering at her, but beyond caring at this point. "She was out here smoking, but I'm bringing her back in."

"Good," Carisi replies firmly, shaking a chastising finger in their general direction as he seems to be having trouble focusing on them due to the sun bouncing brightly off the snow. "We're not done in here yet and I would appreciate the help. There's still quite a bit to do."

Olivia watches as the door swings shut again, yelping in surprise when she feels Amanda yank herself free from her grip and bend down to the ground, a handful of snow swiftly being tossed into her face. "What did you do that for?" she snaps angrily, swiping an arm over both wet cheeks and fixing the younger woman with an offended glare.

"You deserved it," Amanda mutters as she flicks her cigarette away and crosses her arms over her chest.

"I _deserved_ it?" Olivia echoes with a sneer as she mirrors Amanda's posture and they frown at one another in contempt. "You seriously have the audacity to hit me in the face with a snowball after I didn't kick you out of my bed last night, but instead took pity on you because of your ridiculous fear of clowns?"

"You're afraid of Mister Chuckles too, Liv," Amanda points out as they stare each other down. "I think you appreciated the company."

"Oh yeah, I really appreciated being kicked and elbowed all night and practically ending up on the floor because you can't keep still while you sleep," Olivia replies in a voice that is brimming with sarcasm. "I have even more bruises now than I did after my fall on the ice yesterday."

"Well, you ratted me out to Carisi for sneaking outside for a smoke," Amanda protests as she gestures down toward the discarded cigarette lying in the snow. "I just wanted a break from all of the Christmas merriment, okay?"

"Well, newsflash, Amanda, we _all_ want a break but you don't see Fin and I trying to get out of helping with the decorations, do you?" Olivia says in exasperation, mentally counting down the hours until they can leave this place and return to the city.

"Oh, please, Fin has been drunk for half the day," Amanda grouses with a shake of her blonde head, snow flying from her hair in the process. "He's barely even doing anything."

"Well, if I'm not mistaken, you've been drinking for the majority of the day too, Amanda, even though I suggested that we all take a break from that today," Olivia replies casually as she leans down to scoop up a handful of snow and pack it into a hard ball.

"What are you doing?" Amanda asks warily as she takes a step backwards.

"I think you need a taste of your own medicine." The corner of Olivia's lip quirks up mischievously when she sees a brief look of panic pass over Amanda's face before that challenging expression makes a return appearance.

"You'll have to catch me first, Liv," the younger woman snickers before whirling on her heel and taking off through the deep snow, sprinting around the corner of the cabin and disappearing out of sight.

Olivia gives immediate chase, although she privately admits that Amanda is a much faster runner than she is, as her co-worker enjoys jogging in her free time, grunting under her breath as she tries to keep up. Rounding the same corner that Amanda just had, she stops dead in her tracks when she sees the other woman lying facedown on the ground with her long hair splayed out around her head, limbs crumpled beneath her body, silent and unmoving.

"Amanda?" Olivia calls out tentatively, taking a cautious step closer and tucking the snowball closely into her chest as she realizes that this could very well be a trap.

"Are you okay? Answer me please!" she adds in a more concerned tone of voice when she doesn't get any kind of response from Amanda at all, the small form remaining in an unnaturally still and quiet pose.

Olivia creeps closer as her heart begins to pound inside her chest, knowing full well that Amanda could be playing her right now, but her worry for the younger woman's well-being overwhelming everything else at the moment. She tosses her snowball aside and crouches down anxiously over the prone form of her colleague, reaching out a hand to touch Amanda's shoulder and give it a firm shake.

"Hey, are you alright-"

The sentence isn't even fully formed and out of her mouth when Amanda is rolling over on the ground and flinging another fistful of snow right into her face, Olivia coughing and sputtering as she scrambles to pick up more of the fluffy white stuff, readying herself for instant retaliation.

"I can't believe you actually fell for that!" Amanda crows as she dances away from Olivia, her body convulsing with laughter. "Liv, you're a lieutenant! You should have been able to tell that I was faking."

Olivia immediately launches her own snowball at the obnoxious figure of her co-worker, chuckling in victory when it makes a direct hit and smacks Amanda right in the chest, snow exploding outwards and showering them both. They are overcome with fits of laughter now, bent over at the waist as they try to catch their breaths when the back door is suddenly swinging open and Fin's imposing frame is filling the space.

"Oh, come on!" he shouts in a mixture of disbelief and irritation, taking a step into the yard. "First you ladies sleep the morning away and now you're having playtime in the snow while the men pick up the slack yet again? This is ridiculous!"

"Just calm down and drink your beer, Fin," Amanda advises her partner, choking out a surprised breath and stumbling backwards when he comes charging toward them without warning.

A flurry of snowballs are flying through the air as Fin is able to assemble and throw them with an astonishing speed, Olivia ducking out of the way as her colleagues pelt each other furiously with the snow, shrieking and laughing, and watching as Frannie streaks out the door to join in the fray. Everyone seems to come to a halt at the same time, however, when they notice Carisi standing in the open doorway with his arms crossed over his chest and a defeated expression fixed on his face.

"Uh oh, I think we've just been busted," Olivia hears Amanda murmur under her breath. "Dad is here to break up the party."

"Having fun?" Carisi asks in a sour tone of voice, all of the usual excitement and cheer appearing to have drained right out of his posture and attitude.

"Yeah, actually, we are," Amanda replies lightheartedly, tossing a handful of snow in a playful manner at her fellow detective but missing her target, Olivia holding her breath when it hits the back of the cabin just above Carisi's head and rains down upon him in a damp waterfall of slush.

"You know what, guys? I've had it," he announces dejectedly, throwing his arms up in frustration before brushing the snow from his clothing. "It's obvious that you don't want to take part in the decorating or anything else for that matter, since all you've done is drink and try to escape everything that I have planned. I invited you all here for a fun holiday weekend because I consider you to be family and it broke my heart that you were going to be spending Christmas alone, but all you've done is bitch and moan and make fun of me since we got here."

Out of the corner of her eye, Olivia can see both Amanda and Fin looking properly chastened, the younger woman scuffing the toe of her boot along the ground and the older man's shoulders slumping somewhat. She herself is feeling pretty guilty about the way things have turned out, taking a step forward and opening her mouth to apologize on behalf of the group when Carisi keeps speaking.

"Well, screw it, okay? If you're that unhappy here, I'll just drive you guys home and you can spend Christmas alone, like you've apparently wanted to do all along. Obviously I pushed way too hard. You're a pretty miserable bunch of human beings, you know that? Well, except you, Liv," he adds sheepishly, throwing a ghost of a smile her way. "You've at least _tried_ to put on a happy face and help me out, even though you don't want to be here; which is more than I can say for the two of you."

Carisi gestures toward Amanda and Fin with a heavy sigh and a disappointed frown, and all of the mirth and levity of the snowball fight has rapidly disintegrated, leaving everyone standing around awkwardly and not knowing what to say. Olivia is fully aware of how ungrateful and downright mean they have all been acting toward a man who has done nothing but try to show them the true meaning of Christmas and lift their spirits during a season that can induce such loneliness and despair, and she opens her mouth again with the intention of trying to defuse this volatile situation.

Olivia is interrupted once more before she can even utter a word, but this time it is not because of a snowball being thrown or someone making a snarky comment. Her jaw drops open in surprise when a giant mound of snow that is drooping down from the roof and is hanging precariously over the door frame suddenly breaks free and drops right onto Carisi's head with an audible _plop_ , the younger man's entire body instantly covered with the icy crystals; much more so than when Amanda had tossed the snowball at him.

"Oh my god," she hears the other woman breath in shock beside her. "Are you okay, Carisi?"

"Mother _fucker_ ," is all that emits from their colleague's mouth, the whole group stunned into silence at the uncharacteristically foul language and even Frannie coming to a stop in her joyful romp throughout the snow; Olivia unable to recall ever hearing Carisi swear in the entire time they have worked together.

"Hey man, just take it easy," Fin soothes as he holds both hands in the air and steps hesitantly toward Carisi, who is flustered and red in the face and looks to be shaking with both humiliation and anger, his Santa hat crushed beneath a huge mound of snow.

"Take it easy, Fin?" Carisi echoes in response, shrugging his shoulders dramatically. "Why should I take it easy when all of this is your fault?"

"Hey, that was purely a coincidence, alright?" Fin snaps in return, a frown creasing his forehead. "I know you're not too happy with any of us right now and you have a right to be upset, but it's not like we planned for that to happen so don't go blaming anyone else. It's not our fault that a pile of snow fell right on your head just as you were trying to make a point."

" _Everything_ is your fault," Carisi corrects through clenched teeth, his hands fisted down at his sides. "If everyone had been inside helping me decorate like you were supposed to be, I never would have been out here in the first place and I wouldn't be soaking wet and freezing my ass off right now."

"Uh oh, I think the magical Christmas bubble he's been living in has finally popped," Amanda mutters as she scrubs her hands wearily over her face. "The beast has been awakened."

"Are there any more snide comments you would like to make, Amanda?" Carisi asks lightly, his voice shifting instantly from extreme displeasure to dead calm, as if a switch has been flipped.

"Um, no?" she replies uncertainly, arching a questioning eyebrow at her co-worker.

"Good," he says in the same mild tone. "Because I've just about had enough of them."

"I think we all have," Fin adds helpfully, nodding his head in agreement.

"Oh, you're not innocent in this either, Fin," Carisi shoots back immediately. "You're worse than she is."

"Okay, guys, I think everyone just needs to calm down here," Olivia speaks up in a soothing voice, finally able to talk without being interrupted. "Why don't we all go inside and make some hot chocolate and sit by the fire to warm up? Those shortbread cookies should be just about done baking by now. Let's not spend Christmas Eve fighting with each other, alright?"

"Is there anything we can do to make things better?" Amanda inquires with sincerity, Olivia relieved that the other members of the group are at least trying to make an effort to get along with Carisi now.

"Yeah, you can hold still," he answers with a triumphant grin, leaning down to swoop up a massive armful of snow and dumping it straight over Amanda's head.

"Okay...I deserved that," she chokes out, swiping both hands over her wet face and raking her fingers back through soaked strands of long hair.

"You sure did," Fin chuckles smugly, halting abruptly in his laughter when snow is promptly heaped over his own head in response.

"Don't you dare," Olivia warns sternly when she sees Carisi advancing in her direction after dousing Fin, the younger man stopping short in his tracks and seeming to think better of what he had been about to do; determined not to be pelted with snow by another subordinate. "If everyone is done with their immature squabbling, can we please head indoors now? It's so cold out here, I can't feel my toes anymore."

"You want to go back inside?" Carisi asks with a distinctly vulnerable note in this question, his eyes shining hopefully despite the fight that has just ensued. "You don't want to leave? Because if you would honestly rather not be here, I can take you guys home. I don't want to force anyone to have a happy Christmas if you'd rather be miserable."

They all break into soft, affectionate laughter at this statement, clumps of slush sliding off of everyone's clothing as Fin claps Carisi on the shoulder and Amanda reaches up to ruffle his hair, assurances and apologies piercing the air while Olivia looks on and heaves a giant sigh of relief.

As the snow-covered group walks into the inviting warmth of the cabin with easy chatter and forgiving smiles, she is cautiously optimistic that they will be able to make it through the rest of this holiday without killing each other.


	5. Family Fun

**This is the last chapter of the story and has taken me longer to post than I had originally intended. I want to say a big thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited and followed this fic! I've had an absolute blast writing it, as the plotline has been pretty ridiculous, so it has made for some very lighthearted writing while I continue to work on my darker story "Dead or Alive".**

 **I wanted this fic to end on a very happy note, so please be forewarned that this chapter contains a lot of cheesy fluff, lol. :)  
**

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Olivia never would have imagined it to be possible on this vacation from hell, but she actually feels somewhat content as she lays in bed that evening, the clock ticking steadily toward midnight and signifying that Christmas Eve is about to switch over to Christmas Day. This is the first holiday in many years that she hasn't spent alone, and there is a warmth swelling inside her chest instead of the usual knot of annoyance that has resided there since they had left the city.

The remainder of the day has been uncharacteristically peaceful after Carisi's justifiable meltdown in the backyard, and everyone had participated with the decorating process once they were in dry clothing and loaded down with mugs of hot chocolate and plates of shortbread cookies from the kitchen. The alcohol consumption had been kept to a bare minimum as they had transformed both the inside and the outside of the cabin into a dazzling display of Christmas lights and decorations, bright orange flames blazing in the fireplace while festive music had played on the radio.

Fin had graciously let Carisi have the master bedroom once again, and had tucked himself back into the bottom bunk across from Olivia's without complaint. Shockingly, Amanda has also been very quiet herself, the occasional rustle of sheets and groaning of springs the only indication that someone is in the bed above Olivia. It is mostly silent in the cabin now, the distant clicking of toenails downstairs indicating that Frannie has commenced with her usual nightly pacing, the dog having refused to set foot inside this room with them since the initial tour by Carisi.

Olivia is understanding of Frannie's extreme reluctance to join them as she gazes suspiciously at the giant clown sitting in the corner, the toy continuing to look disturbingly threatening even without copious amounts of booze swimming through her system. As if her younger blonde co-worker has been reading her thoughts, there is sudden movement in the bed above her before a waterfall of golden hair is spilling over the frame and Amanda's face appears upside down in Olivia's vision.

"Jesus!" Olivia hisses in surprises, rearing back on the mattress and glaring sternly at Amanda. "You scared the hell out of me. What are you doing?"

"I just wanted to see if you were still awake," Amanda whispers with a hesitant smile, Olivia batting her colleague's hair out of the way with an impatient hand.

"Well, considering my heart just tried to burst right out from the inside of my chest, yes, I'm awake," she grumbles tiredly, feeling that familiar irritation creeping in again. "What's going on, Amanda?"

"Nothing," the other woman replies softly, still hanging upside down like a bat in the darkness. "I was just wondering if you've heard anything in the past few minutes, like someone talking?"

"No, I haven't heard anyone talking besides you," Olivia says pointedly, arching an eyebrow at her detective. "Why do you ask?"

"I think the clown was talking to her," Fin pipes up in a hushed tone from his own bed.

"Oh, come _on_." Olivia sputters out an incredulous laugh as she swipes another frustrated hand at the cascade of blonde hair tumbling down in front of her. "Please tell me that's not the reason you are hovering over my bed like some kind of obnoxious nocturnal creature when it's almost midnight and we should all be asleep. You know Carisi is going to have us up at the crack of dawn to open presents. And you don't even have the excuse of being drunk this time, so it's all in your head. It's just a stuffed toy, Amanda. A creepy one at that, but it's just a doll."

"I'm pretty sure the clown whispered my name," Amanda confides in a low voice as if afraid the inanimate object will overhear her, Olivia rolling her eyes and sighing in response.

"Just be glad it's not moaning your name," Fin answers with a snicker. "I think that would be much more disconcerting."

"Oh my god, the last thing I want to do is imagine that horrifying thing in any kind of sexual scenario," Amanda sputters in disgust, Fin barking out a loud laugh in reply and Olivia immediately shushing them both.

"Okay, Fin, you are not helping the situation," she chides firmly, swinging her legs over the side of the bed so her body is sitting in an upright position and scrubbing her hands over her face as her head almost collides with Amanda's. "And you're going to wake up Carisi. It took ages for him to settle down tonight, so please keep your voices down."

The Italian detective had been as excited as a little boy before they had all gone to bed, making sure to put out a large glass of cold milk and a heaping plate of shortbread cookies for Santa, placing them on the mantel of the fireplace so Frannie wouldn't be able to reach them while they slept. Olivia has entertained the thought of sneaking back downstairs and consuming the snack, just to play along with her subordinate's Christmas craziness and as another way of apologizing for their bad behavior during the duration of this holiday.

She is distracted from her plan by the sound of Amanda climbing down the ladder and a small but noisy pair of feet hitting the floor beside her. "Oh no, not again," Olivia groans in disbelief as her co-worker takes a seat on the mattress next to her. "There's an annoying pattern developing here, as you seem to be incapable of sleeping in your own bed, Amanda."

"Sorry, Liv, I just don't feel very comfortable in my own bed right now," the younger woman replies as she arranges herself amid the blankets, Olivia stifling a grunt when a foot comes into hard contact with the outside of her thigh.

"Well, what a coincidence, since I'm not feeling very comfortable myself at the moment," she responds wryly, shifting over with some reluctance to make more room for Amanda.

"I have half a mind to come over there and join you guys," Fin confesses in a somewhat shamed tone. "That thing is staring a hole right through me, like it's looking directly into my soul again. I'm pretty sure it's thinking malicious thoughts."

"Well, considering two of us can barely fit into this single bed, I highly doubt three of us will be able to." Olivia winces when a sharp elbow digs between her ribs and another foot smacks against her leg. "Fin, maybe you should have taken Carisi up on his offer to give you the master bedroom tonight, if you feel so unsafe being in here."

"I felt bad for the way we've been treating him over the past couple of days, so I figured it would be best to let him have it again," Fin explains with a hint of guilt apparent in his voice. "And besides, you're our protection from the clown, Liv."

"Fabulous," Olivia sighs sarcastically, catching Amanda's nod of agreement out of the corner of her eye. "You know, I feel the need to point out that at least when Carisi acts like a kid it's because he's so full of the Christmas spirit that he can't seem to help himself, but when the two of you act that way it's because of a child's toy. It's really kind of sad, don't you think? Two tough detectives such as yourselves reduced to quivering balls of fear in your beds, or in Amanda's case, _my_ bed, because you're afraid that thing is going to come alive and murder you in your sleep. Pretty pathetic, if you ask me."

"Liv, you can make fun of us and rant all you want, but I know you're just as scared as we are," Amanda scoffs quietly, Olivia jumping when she feels a finger poking her in the ribs. "I can feel you shaking. The whole bed frame is rocking back and forth."

"Alright, _fine_ ," Olivia breathes out in surrender, hearing Amanda's triumphant snicker beside her. "That doll is the most terrifying thing I have ever had the misfortune of coming across in my entire life. Who in their right mind would bring that home as a present for their kids and then proceed to decorate the whole room in the same fashion?"

"Liv, you need to remember that this is _Carisi's_ family we're talking about here," Fin says patiently, Olivia blinking rapidly in the darkness to get a better look at the older man as he leans closer to them on his bed. "His parents were obviously insane and the apple likely doesn't fall very far from the tree, considering what we've witnessed since leaving the city. Imagine having a childhood full of Christmases at this cabin and a bedroom packed with clowns. Maybe we should start cutting the poor guy some slack. It couldn't have been easy for him. Maybe it was so horrifying, he had no choice but to adapt to his circumstances as a survival tactic. And then he actually started enjoying spending time here."

"Okay, I think we're blowing things a _little_ out of proportion now," Olivia mutters with a shake of her head, snapping her mouth closed when the bedroom door suddenly flings open and their current topic of discussion is standing there in all his Christmas glory, the usual Santa hat perched on his head and elf pajamas and snowman slippers completing the look.

"You were saying...?" she hears Fin mumble under his breath.

"Hey, I heard you guys talking in here. Are we having a slumber party?" Carisi asks with far too much enthusiasm for this late hour.

"I wouldn't exactly call it a party," Olivia says dryly, her aching muscles screaming in agony when Amanda moves again on the mattress and accidentally elbows her in the back.

"Seems like a sleepover to me, especially since you and Amanda are sharing a bed, Liv," Carisi observes happily, strutting into the room like the party is just beginning. "Fin, shove over, man. I'll climb in next to you. I wouldn't want you to feel left out."

"Ah, fuck."

The next several seconds are a mixture of mumbled curse words and creaking bed springs and muffled grunts as Carisi gets settled in, Olivia stifling a laugh when she sees how crowded the tiny bunk bed is and suddenly thankful that the smallest member of their group is the person who is sharing with her.

"So what're we talking about in here?" Carisi questions eagerly after Fin finally stops swearing, the younger man seemingly ecstatic to be included in their group activity. "What's the latest gossip?"

"Your mother's unfortunate choice of bedroom decoration," Amanda says bluntly, gesturing into the gloom from behind the relatively safe barrier of Olivia's body.

"Are you guys still scared of Mister Chuckles?" Carisi laughs in astonishment, Fin's giant sigh of relief echoing around the room as he gets out of bed and places his Santa hat jauntily atop the clown's head. "Here, does that make it any better?"

"I think you've just made it worse," Fin complains in frustration, Olivia and Amanda murmuring their agreement. "It looks like some kind of Christmas circus nightmare now."

"Okay, well, I have a question, then," Carisi chuckles with slight condescension as he plucks the hat off the doll and puts it back on his own head. "If you've all been so scared of the clown this entire time, why didn't you just remove it at night? Go put it downstairs so you don't have to look at it?"

"None of us wanted to touch it," Fin replies truthfully, more noises of assent punctuating the air in response.

"And I didn't want to give my dog a heart attack in the middle of the night," Amanda adds from her huddled spot on Olivia's mattress. "Frannie gets restless and likes to roam around while we sleep. Imagine her unexpectedly running into that monstrous thing at two o'clock morning? I couldn't do that to her."

"I can always take it into my bedroom with me," Carisi offers in a thoughtful tone, one hand balanced on his hip while the other scratches his chin.

"Look, man, none of us want to hear the details of what you do with that thing in private, alright?" Fin answers with a smirk and a shudder, Carisi retaliating by yanking the Santa hat off his head and whipping it forcefully at the older man and Fin flinging a pillow at him in return.

"Ugh, imagine thinking we were actually going to get some sleep tonight?" Olivia gripes to Amanda as she tries in vain to find a comfortable spot on the minuscule bed and inadvertently gives the other woman a hard shove.

"Wishful thinking, Liv," Amanda snickers as she falls backward against the wall with a pained squeak. "It's difficult to sleep with all of the antics going on in here, isn't it?"

"Yes, including the ones in this bed," Olivia remarks sardonically, arching an eyebrow at her colleague and gratified when Amanda looks at least somewhat remorseful before leaning toward her in a furtive manner.

"Liv, can I tell you a secret?"

"Oh god, what is it?" Olivia answers with no small amount of trepidation. "Although I'm honestly afraid to ask at this point."

"It's nothing bad," Amanda assures her with a smile, reaching over to squeeze Olivia's arm. "I can't believe I'm actually going to say this, but I'm having fun here with all of you guys. No matter how crazy this trip has been, it's still better than being alone for the holidays. And I can't wait for Santa to come," she whispers after a brief pause, Olivia pulling back to fix her with a skeptical expression.

"What? I thought you hated Christmas," she laughs in surprise, both eyebrows raised now as she stares at her co-worker. "Who are you and what have you done with Amanda Rollins? Where is my obnoxious employee who treats a Christmas vacation in the countryside like it's a trip to the electric chair?"

"Maybe I'm changing my mind," Amanda shrugs with a blush spreading over her pale cheeks that is visible in the darkness.

"I would say it's the alcohol talking, but considering you actually took my advice and slowed down with the drinking, maybe you've actually had a change of heart," Olivia muses thoughtfully, giving Amanda a nudge with her arm. "I think Carisi's starting to rub off on you."

"Hey, that's what I like to hear!" Carisi suddenly chimes in as he takes short break from his pillow fight with Fin and peers into the shadows of Olivia's bed. "Nice to finally see you in the Christmas spirit, Amanda! It had to happen sometime."

"So what do you think Santa's going to bring me, now that I'm in the spirit?" the younger woman asks playfully.

"A lump of coal," Olivia answers without hesitation, everyone breaking into knowing laughter. "It's the least of what you deserve, Amanda."

"I can split it with Fin," the blonde detective jokes, tossing a pillow towards her partner. "A lump of coal for the two grinches of the group."

"Well, why don't we go see what Santa has brought for us?" Carisi suggests casually, inclining his head in the direction of the bedroom door. "It's past midnight now, so it's officially Christmas Day."

"Oh, Carisi, I'm just being silly," Amanda laughs as she tucks herself deeper beneath the covers. "I'm not actually expecting anything."

"Well, maybe you should," Carisi says mysteriously, waggling his eyebrows up and down.

"What did you do?" Amanda asks suspiciously, throwing the blankets off her body and sitting up straight.

" _I_ didn't do anything." Carisi shrugs innocently with his palms raised high. "But maybe someone else did."

Olivia looks around at each of her colleagues and a simultaneous wave of excitement seems to crash over them as they all leap up from their beds and thunder down the stairs, practically falling over one another in their haste to reach the living room. Olivia is enveloped with a childlike curiosity and awe as she catches sight of what awaits them on the main level, gasping at the large amount of gifts that are stuffed under the tree; so many of them that the presents are spilling out across the floor in a rainbow of color.

She is absolutely stunned at the array of brightly wrapped packages sitting beneath the softly glowing lights of the tree, especially since there had only been a few messily wrapped items there when they had gone to bed, Frannie having made herself at home among the giant pile of boxes and bags. For a moment no one speaks, a hushed silence having fallen over the entire cabin as everyone gawks in disbelief at the incredible sight.

"Looks like Santa's already been here," Carisi announces with a grin, his eyes twinkling as he waves a hand toward the gifts.

"Oh my god, Carisi, you really didn't have to go to this much trouble," Olivia breathes in amazement, Fin and Amanda appearing as shocked as she herself must look.

"I didn't, it was Santa," he insists with a widening smile, the joy in his eyes lighting up his entire face.

"Okay, it was Santa," Olivia agrees with her own smile tugging at her lips, her hands held up in a gesture of surrender. "Well, I hope _Santa_ knows just how much we appreciate this and how undeserving we all are."

"Yeah, he knows. And I wouldn't be surprised if all of you were initially on the naughty list," Carisi answers lightly, bending down to give Frannie a pat on the head and gently urge her out of the way. "Although it's perfectly understandable when you're not used to celebrating the holidays, especially with my particular brand of celebration."

"You mean the crazy brand?" Fin supplies in jest, elbowing the younger man softly in the side.

"Well, yes, I suppose you could call it that," Carisi admits sheepishly, elbowing him back. "I just happen to love Christmas, okay?"

"You're not telling us anything we don't already know," Amanda chuckles affectionately, bumping Carisi with her shoulder.

"Is this the part where we're supposed to thank you for showing us the true meaning of Christmas? Because I think I'm finally feeling it now," Fin chuckles in appreciation as he eyes the pile of gifts. "But all joking aside, thank you so much for everything, man. You've really done a lot for us this holiday season."

"Yes, you have," Olivia agrees gratefully, finally tearing her gaze away from the presents and looking inquisitively at Carisi. "But seriously, how did you get all of this stuff here? There's no way it was in the car. I helped packed the trunk, and there was barely enough space for all of our luggage and booze."

"It was Santa."

Olivia rolls her eyes and huffs out a good-natured sigh at Carisi's expected response, taking a step closer to him and laying a hand on his shoulder. "Okay, but if it _wasn't_ Santa who actually brought all of these presents here, how would they have been transported to the cabin?"

"Well, maybe a subordinate drove up here last weekend with a car full of stuff, and got everything wrapped and hidden in the closet of the master bedroom so it would be a nice surprise on Christmas morning," Carisi says breezily with an offhanded wave. "You know, if Santa didn't actually do it."

"Should we open them?" Amanda wonders as she shoots a thankful grin at her fellow detective, looking remarkably like an excited little girl when she bends down to jiggle one of the boxes.

Olivia smiles at Carisi with that feeling of warmth and camaraderie rising within her chest again, walking around to the back of the Christmas tree and reaching into the corner to fish around for what she is searching for. "I think it would only be right if the first person to open a gift was our wonderful holiday host," she says quietly, pulling out a present that she had surreptitiously tucked behind the tree before going to bed earlier, and handing the package to Carisi. "This is to show our appreciation for everything you've done for us and also to extend an apology for the way we've been behaving."

Carisi takes the heavy object from her with a combination of interest and surprise, everyone laughing softly when he can't seem to contain his delight and is suddenly ripping into the gift in a frenzy of paper and ribbons and bows, Frannie jumping up from the floor with an encouraging bark. When the present has been unwrapped, he just stands there in silence for a moment, gazing down at the object he is holding with a radiant expression on his face and looking for all the world like he is about to burst into tears.

"Aww, dude, you're not going to cry, are you?" Fin teases as he gently ruffles the taller man's hair.

"It's beautiful," Carisi says in a choked tone, hugging the item to his chest. "I love it. Thank you."

"Well, you mention quite often that we're a family and we agree with you, so we thought you should have some family photos," Olivia explains tenderly, gesturing toward the gift that she and Amanda and Fin had scrambled to put together after their last-minute travel arrangements to the cabin; hiding it safely inside her suitcase for the trip.

They had filled a large photo album with the word _family_ emblazoned in fancy silver script across the front, a multitude of pictures that have been taken of them over the years lining each page; posed and candid, professional uniforms and casual clothing, group shots and individual ones. There are police ceremonies and birthday parties and goofy images of more carefree times with just the four of them hanging out together at someone's apartment in those rare, peaceful moments outside of work. The pictures are the definition of a chosen family; a group of people who are not related by blood but have become much more than just co-workers and are there for one another throughout every aspect of life, from the absolute worst to the very best. There are a few blank pages at the very end of the collection, so Carisi can fill the remainder of the album with photos of this eventful trip; forever documenting the first time they have gone on vacation together and all of the ensuing shenanigans.

"See guys, this is exactly what I wanted," Carisi replies in a hushed tone, wrapping his free arm around Olivia and pulling her against his side. "Christmas with my family."

Olivia gives the younger man a soft smile and hugs him heartily in return, reaching out to pull Amanda and Fin into their embrace so they are standing there in a jumble of warm bodies and wrapping paper, with Frannie jumping gleefully amidst their legs. "Well, I'm glad you got what you wanted. No one deserves it more than you."

In the very early hours of Christmas morning as they all huddle together on the dangerously-sagging couch beneath the same blanket, opening gifts and laughing in front of the blazing fire and beautifully decorated tree, it occurs to Olivia that however unconventional this holiday has been, it sure beats any other Christmas she's ever had. She feels very lucky to be considered a part of the family and is thankful to Carisi for giving them an adventure this Christmas; something they can look back on with humor and fondness despite all the mishaps and arguments, and a much-needed break from the horror and despair they deal with on a daily basis at the precinct, this trip no doubt providing amusing stories to tell for years to come.

Olivia acknowledges that it's not actually about the presents or the decorations or the location, but the fact that they are all together under the same roof on a day that most of them would have otherwise spent by themselves; Carisi lovingly providing the perfect antidote to Christmas loneliness.

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 _"And then for years to come we'll always know one thing_

 _That's the love that Christmas can bring_

 _Oh, why? 'Cause that's Christmas to me"_

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*Song lyrics from Pentonix's "That's Christmas to Me"


End file.
